Let me preface this by saying I have had a few margaritas but I have been thinking about this a while. Guess the song explains where I’ve been.
When you do all the emails and texts and calls when an affair begins, it seems like it will never stop. You can’t get enough. You talk for hours. You can’t get enough of each other.
I can remember SM pulling me close, pulling me into her and saying she could not get enough, not be close enough.
That all ended when I wouldn’t leave my wife. I just don’t know how you can just cut it off. How do you decide to end it and end it?
After some more Face Book stalking (hey– it is out there), I have learned that SM was gone a longggggggggggg time ago. Her recent post to Bill (new husband) was a happy birthday and how happy she was to share a second with him, this one as his wife – love forever.
Love forever. Hummmm… heard that one myself.
So I basically lost a year here. Only fair I guess because she could say she lost more than that.
So was all the love there?? And now it is all gone?? Just transferred??
So do you just stop loving someone??
Guess I did— LYM.
I’ve always wanted a travel trailer or RV. Could have gotten an RV but the Wife did not want it. Something about hitting the road. Pulling up and camping out has always appealed to me.
Saturday, the Wife had gone to check on our daughter. I got a call from my friend, let’s call her KC. Seems her neighbors were out-of-town. ”Would you like to come by?” Would I?? Duh!! ”Park by the trailer.”
She has a nice fifth wheel. Living quarters in front and place to haul horses in back. She rides and takes it to horse shows.
When I pulled up, she was out by the horse trailer in a robe. She had turned on the air conditioning and invited me in.
It was very nice with a bath room in the back. kitchen and seating area and a step up to the bed up front.
Before I knew it, she had bounced up there and I struggled up after her. She took off her robe and she was naked underneath. I got out of my clothes quickly. It had been a long time since I had made love like that. There was not much room above the bed. We had to be careful. I kept bumping my head.
She loves being on top. She bumped her head.
It was passionate. It was rough. It was amazing.
When we were through we kidded about young sex. And that it was.
We lay together for a while and then I went home. We talked on the way.
She is amazing!!!!
No, I didn’t go to the wedding. Although I did go by and see where it was being held. Yeah, I know, sick!! Didn’t think I could handle it. There were a few Face Book posts and pictures. SM posted a couple of pictures from the cruise. I really had no idea how I would handle her coming back to work.
When she finally got in (fashionably late), it was like she had never left. We have not been even close to intimate for a long time. Hummmm, when was the last time??
We talked about the wedding and she said Bill cried, that he was a lot like me in that way. She said it was good I did not come. That I probably would not have handled it too well. She knows me.
We talked about their cruise.
I handled it all pretty well I thought. Just a little teary eyed– kinda like Bill. Think RBM may be right. Easier to move on under these circumstances.
She has decided to try to drive back and forth every day, about an hour and a half each way. That’s a long commute in our part of the world. Not sure how long that will last.
Think knowing that she really loves this guy helps. Although I will say again, I have no idea why. Maybe it is just because he loves her and put her number one. Just loving is not enough.
Busy day today. Another tomorrow. Does not give you a lot of time to think. That’s a good thing.
I’d posted this video before. Amazing song. Amazing words. Amazing performance.
I had gone over to my friends business Friday afternoon. Ok, I will admit. We had talked quiet a bit. And texted. We have literally been friends for 25 years. She even told me this week that her late husband had kidded that I had a thing for her. Guess I’m pretty transparent.
We had never done anything but kid around with each till we kissed last year.
She has had a rough year. Battling breast cancer. Reconstructive surgery. Losing her husband. Besides the cancer, I know we have something else in common. We both enjoy sex! She had told me before. Her husband had some issues and it was an interesting dynamic between the 2 of them. But they were good friends and lovers and she really misses him.
Anyway, I went over and we talked for a long time. She is easy to talk to and we relate to each other. Frankly, we both hate the idea of getting old. Feel and act younger than we are. I think she looks amazing. I’m not so bad for an old fart.
I got up to leave and we hugged. And kissed and it was very sweet.
Late Friday nite, she emailed that she did not want me to leave. She knew I had to go and didn’t want to ask but she wanted me to stay. It tore me up, because I wanted to stay too.
When my first affair partner and I met, it was really like high school. We went parking!! Now we had actually done that in high school so maybe we knew what it would lead to. But as we talked, then kissed– suddenly, she lifts up her shirt so we can get closer. I must admit, I was a little shocked. Given our age and station in life and in daylight in a parking lot!!
When SM and I first kissed, we were also in a parking lot and she was leaving to get back in her car. I was expecting a little peck but got a very passionate kiss.
My friend who has battled breast cancer came by about a month ago. She knows SM and was kidding around. SM told her she was getting married. My friend had lost her husband last year and SM asked if she thought she would remarry. Well, my friend said, “No, I just want to screw around!!” She often says things she later regrets and called SM to apologise.
SM said I should hook up with her!!
My friend and I had talked. We both went thru cancer at the same time and became closer. I have known her for 25 years!! So today she comes in and sits down. She was excited about her boob job after the mastectomy. She had a lot of trouble. We talk for a while and then she stands up and lifts up her top to show. “See!!” Yes, I did see. Beautiful boobs and a unbelievable flat stomach!!
She got up to leave and gave me a very sweet kiss!!!
Hummmmm… not sure where this is going????
The day began well enough. A usual Saturday. Breakfast. Golf. A good start. But this Saturday SM gets married and not to me.
I’m still not sure about all this. SM came from very humble beginnings. She worked hard, got her degree. Was head of HR for big company. Now is Office Manager and Project Manage here. Knows her job and does a good one. See built a nice house. It burned. Then got divorced and moved into a little house which she renovated. She moved to a bigger city and bought a very nice house and updated it and completely landscaped the yard. It is beautiful She traveled a lot with her job. Many of those trips we took together.
So she ends things with us. Meets this guy on R U Interested. And a year later they are married. He has a high school education. Lives in a double wide trailer. Wayyyyyyyyyyyy out in the country. With a weird job (to say the least). His family has all kinds of issues.
Maybe this is one of her projects. Maybe it was to spite, show me. But maybe it is just that she loves him. Hope that is it.
It was around last Thanksgiving that she said not to contact her except for business. So I have not. She has asked how I was doing… and I told her not very good. Maybe that is why she has called lately. To check on her Buddy.
I texted her this morning. “Hope today is everything you hoped for and more. LYA. Your Best Buddy.” She texted back, “Thx Buddy”.
They are going on a Carnival Cruise on their honey moon. Booked before the recent incidents. Hope that goes ok.
So all the Other Women and jilted spouses and similarly situated individuals can gloat a little.
But this is the worse fuckin day of my life. I have made my bed, but I just can’t sleep in it!!!
|Part of Speech:
||abate, come to nothing, die out, diminish, drain, ebb, evaporate, fade, fail, give out, lessen, pall, rebate, recede, run dry, run out, stop, taper off, wane
Well, this pretty well sums up where I am. Literally and figuratively.
Seems many of our blogging buddies have petered out. Like many of our affairs, they have dwindled, decreased and run dry.
My situation is even more on point, so to speak. The other morning I was leaving to go out of town and the Wife says to come on over. What?? Now?? Why?? Ok, here we go. The results were pretty disappointing. First, barely able to get it up at 5:00 AM after about 4 hours of sleep with the added worry of missing my plane. So we moved around a little bit and I faked it (yeah guys do fake it, and it is easier after prostate surgery), quick kiss, rolled off and hit the road. But she took care of her wifely duties and sent me off with a bang, or fizzle as the case maybe.
Before I left, I talked with SM. I told her (again) I was sorry and that it should be us getting married. She said it was just not meant to be and that she was not doing this because of me or to spite me. She must love the guy but it has come quick and other friends have questioned it too.
She has worked real hard on planning for the wedding. Pretty much did it all herself. She did the same for her daughter and is good at it. It was a little hard helping her with the music and program and other details. Maybe that WAS to spite me….
I have been gone for a week and she has been off since I got back. Funny, we have not talked for a long time except business and she had never called, but she has called 4 times since I went out of town. I’m back at the office and she is off finishing stuff up for the wedding. It is tomorrow. And she called this morning to “check on me”. I’m probably making more of the calls than there is. It’s probably more of a friendly call, I’m so over you, type thing.
She invited me to the wedding. Not sure I can or should go. We’ll see.
So. in summary, I have petered out:
The image probably sets the tone of this post and my current mood.
After an affair ends it is interesting to see how the parties respond. Often, you really don’t know. But in my situation, I see SM every work day. She is busily going about planning her wedding. Going to exercise to try to get into fighting shape. She watched with interest the cruise ship problems. They are going on a cruise for their honey moon.
She came in today with flowers. Bill gave them to her with diamond ear rings and a sweet card. It is their first Valentines after all.
It’s almost like a death. You remember what you did the last holiday. I was supplying the flowers, gifts and card. I did bring SM flowers not too long ago. She put them in a vase and put them in the break room. These went on her desk. Not so subtle gesture I’m thinking.
What makes it worse is that the wife’s birthday was this week. She passed on dinner out. (Bad weather) Funny, she has passed on dinner out tonight as well. Maybe this weekend.
Sad, but I really struggled to find cards that were not totally bull shit. It’s really hard to find that perfect, “I really don’t want to do this anymore” card. “Happy Valentines– we can still be friends.”
What I still miss is the passion and emotion of sharing. Of not taking for granted going out to eat, or cards or flowers. Of wanting to go and do and be together.
Yesterday, my good friend calls and asks if she could come by and I of course said yes. This is my good friend (see The Kiss http://2passion.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/the-kiss/ and The Kiss Redux http://2passion.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/the-kiss-redux/) whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack after she had fought breast cancer for a year.
We have been friends literally for 25 years. We have always teased with each other and talked. We had gotten a lot closer since both of us were fighting cancer and could relate to what the other was going through.
We also found that we both don’t want to grow up. She has always been proud of her looks (and rightly so) and the thought of getting (and looking old) was not sitting very well with her.
When she came by she sat down to talk. SM had gone for the day and we were alone.
We talked about her husband and how she was dealing with that. We talked about her cancer and her surgery and the fact that her boobs did not look right. Then she stood up.
Well, ok. Her bra was still on but you can get the picture.
I could tell she was upset, so I came over to give her a hug. There was music on and we just started to dance together.
It was sweet. It was spontaneous. It was really innocent. It reminded me of the moment in Summer of 42 when she learns that her husband has been killed. She needed someone to hold her.
She said that I had always made her feel better and then she left.
In the movie, they make love. Wonder where this will go??
SM told me they had set a date. It’s in April.
She told me shehad picked out dresses for bridesmaids and junior bridemaids and now one for her. I told my wife and she was pleased. She has always been suspicious about the relationship and was not in favor of us working together. Funny, the wife always asks if SM is going to any of the functions I go to and then wonders why she does not go. These were the functions where SM and I had gone together.
SM had just told me just last week she was taking a sabbatical from Bill. He had made her mad in the typical male way by complimenting a younger lady while SM was there all dolled up– with no compliment!! Typical man!! This was after his ED and porn confession.
SM sent me an icalendar for the time she would be off. They are going on a cruise for the honeymoon. Guess the sabbatical is over.
Maybe they’ll have a good internet connection!