Just seems like the connections and energy is not there any more.
Maybe nothing worthwhile to say.
Later!
Nov
23
It’s natural
It’s chemical (let’s do it)
It’s logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It’s sensual
But most of all
Sex is something that we should do
Sex is something for me and you
Sex is natural, sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural, sex is fun
Sex is best when it’s, one on one
One on one
Are affairs just about sex?
I’ve said it before, that if you are not getting what you need from your relationship, you will look elsewhere. Certainly that can refer to sex. But it can also refer to your self esteem, your confidence, your sense of self worth, desirability…. Fill in the blank. But it will lead you to seek those things from someone other than your significant other.
Sex was definitely a factor for me.
My Ex and I started dating in high school. Kissing. Touching. Not too much more. Developed into hand jobs. We dated like 4 years and had sex right before marriage. But nothing earth shattering. We learned about sex but it became very clear that she was just not that into it. Now, in defense of the Married Man, this brings up all levels of insecurity. She does not really love me. What’s wrong with me? I’m not attractive. I’m not desirable. I’m doing something wrong. What do I need to do to make her enjoy sex?
I know my first Affair Partner had many of those questions. We were great friends and dated back in high school. When we first got together, after not seeing each other for like 30 years, it was like it was just yesterday. We just picked right up. We met at a book store and talked and walked around. Went to my car and drove and talked. Parked to talk and all of a sudden, she takes off her top! Needless to say, the car fogged up! But our early meetings were just like that. Talking. Kissing. Hugs. More like our high school dates. Then we went to the hotel stage and things went considerably further. The sex was great. I don’t think they were doing all that we did. Her husband was on Viagra but was so cheap, he would only take half a pill!! Our sexual highlight was a Florida trip she planned. When I got there, rose petals to the bedroom. An amazing day, and night of love and sex.
After her husband called my Ex to tell her about the affair, we both still had questions and no answers. Funny thing, we had stopped for some time when he found out and called. I hope she has found answers because she will always be special to me.
Like the song says at the end…
Together
You and me
I want your love
Not just your sex.
Nov
22
Evidently, there are many types of affairs.
What are the 7 types of affairs?
- Type 1: Accidental Affair.
- Type 2: Avoidance Affair Type.
- Type 3:Philanderer Affair.
- Type 4: Entitlement Affair.
- Type 5: Split Self Affair (Romantic Affair)
- Type 6: Exit Affair.
- Type 7: Sexual Addiction Affair.
The 7 Types of Affairs – The Infidelity Recovery Institute
One day, I’ll try to figure out what mine were. Unfortunately, at first glance, I hit several.
Things were rough after Discover Day of my first affair. I moved out. Moved back at her request. Sought counseling. But nothing really changed. I said this blog was about passion. I had a passion for life and passion for sex. My Ex simply did notn have either. “You are a sex maniac and should have married a whore.” Always encouraging to hear such endearing remarks.
Problem was, it was pretty much true.
I met someone I worked with. She was on and off with her marriage. She was looking for something else. So was I, so we started an affair. Meeting locally and dangerously and meeting when we traveled together. The sex was amazing. Sometimes we made love so much, the working parts were sore. So we just found other parts to explore.
Looking back, I think she was looking for someone to put her on a pedestal and when I still could not leave my wife, she moved on. All those that hate the Married Man can take glee in the fact that it was her idea and hurt me.
After she left, she found someone and they married and are still togetehr.
I wonder if either of my affair partners have the passion we had.
Nov
14
I chronicled a lot of this early in my blog but I wanted to talk about it.
What Is an Affair? An affair is an act of infidelity within a committed romantic relationship. It’s most commonly considered a type of cheating that involves intense, passionate emotional or physical attachment. Rarely is the term “affair” applied to a one-time event.
I thought this definition was pretty good. I was a cool, popular kid growing up but not in a sexual way. Sure, messed around but not much more. So when I started dating my Ex, we were both pretty inexperienced. We dated for the appropriate time for the day and of course, it led to marriage. While married, she actually left me for a while and I had a couple of one night stands during that time. Also, one other down the road after our sex life had pretty much died. So those don’t really count, right?
But after you grow apart and your sex life dies (till death us do part) I had a couple of well defined affairs.
The first was with an old high school friend. We dated back in high school and surprisingly reconnected from our Christmas letter. It goes back to the title of this blog, 2Passion. We both lacked passion and connection in our lives after long marriages. I knew her husband and that made it even more awkward. It was something neither of us had ever done. but we covered all the bases, intense, passionate, emotional and physical attachment. We messaged, called, met whenever we could. The sex was amazing and neither of us was getting any of that at home. Like they say, if you don’t get what you need at home, you will seek it elsewhere. It went on for some time and she would have left her husband and I considered leaving mine at the time but I realized it was not in her best interest and would have destroyed her children (who were younger than mine) and everything she had built up in her community. They were pretty well known. So I made the decision and we broke it off.
Later, she left her computer on and her husband found some old emails and called my Ex and told her about the affair. Not sure if she meant to do that or not. It impacted me but I was worried about her. He made her feel like shit but that turned around when she found his Ashley Madison account. Wow, no intimacy with her but hooking up! They are still married.
If you have ever wondered about the impact of an affair check this out.
Nov
10
I had no idea this was actually a concept till I started looking at the subject. But think about it. A seesaw does not work when you are on it alone. You are always down. No way to get up. I think that was the point (and problem) that many of my early blogger friends had. Their was no one to balance the scale.
When you are in an affair or find out your partner is in an affair, more than likely, you are on the scale alone and naturally, hit bottom. You need someone to talk to. Someone to share with. Someone to balance the scale.
Without some balance, depression can set it in. I have had friends that suffered thru depression. The serious chemical imbalance kind. And some did not live through it. A friend described his depression as being in a dark hole, at night, with no way to get out. If you don’t see a way out, you will never reach anything close to balance.
Much imbalance is not that serious but is certainly serious to those going through it.
I’ve always considered myself to be a positive person. I feel you can literally make yourself happy or make yourself unhappy. The choice is yours. But if you do not have someone to help, someone to balance the scale, it is rough.
Going through some rough imbalance right now and those around me are too. It’s like we are both on the same side of the seesaw.
No way that sucker is going to balance out.
Nov
09
Thought of this old song lately. From Wikipedia: The lyrics of this song are written from the point of view of a person who is disillusioned with events in life that are supposedly unique experiences. The singer tells of witnessing her family’s house on fire when she was a little girl, seeing the circus, and falling in love for the first time.
Pretty much where I am right now.
I started this blog because I wanted to chronicle passion. I had a passion for life. A passion for sex that was not shared by my wife. Her lack of passion and general negativity led to affairs and ultimately our divorce. Some of my fellow bloggers were going through the same thing. If you are willing to give up your passion for life, you can stay in a relationship and just slog through day to day. Some of them did just that. But I couldn’t.
I remember when a friend retired that he commented that there was no passion in his life. How sad. I’m beginning to feel the same way.
I was asked when I was going to retire and my main reasons were that as long as I enjoy what I’m doing and feel I’m making a difference, I’ll keep going. Recent economic down turns and budget cuts are casting doubts on both those objectives, so I may have to reevaluate my situation. But then there’s that alimony thing!!
So, here we are. Maybe, like a kidney stone, this too will pass. But in the meantime, it is pretty painful.
Is that all there is, is that all there is?
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is
Nov
07
Forgot how long it was when I started this blog, August 26, 2009. Intended to be a celebration 2 Passion, it quickly turned to chronicling the decline of my marriage of 40+/- years, mainly through my actions and lack of action on the part of my Ex.
It developed into a mutual therapy site where people experiencing affairs from both sides commented. I took a lot of hits and deservedly so. We thought we were helping each other, but I’m not sure we did. Just talking and venting were of some help I’d imagine.
Since then, I’d been on and off the blogging trail. Today I spent some time going through sites and people I have followed. Very few around. I wish them all well. I culled the list.
Not sure where I want to go now. So much has changed. Divorced (happily). Moved (not far.) New job (still working). New relationship (amazing).
Previous restarts have been disasters.
Somewhat of a crossroads right now.
Will have to see where this takes me and if I have something worthwhile to say.
Maybe talking and venting will be of some help.
Jan
16
I have found I run hot and cold on my blog. Like a sparkler I will burn bright hot but then go out. I started a long time ago to share what I was going through in a loveless marriage and I sought passion outside the marriage. Lot of pain all around.
My ex called me a sex addict so in keeping the sex addict theme going, let’s crank this muther up again!
I have always liked looking at the human form. Whether they were doing anything or not. I subscribed to Playboy back in the day. I liked the articles!
So what is the difference? Art vs porn?
I went on WordPress to try and figure out their policy. Certain sites are changing their policy on nudity and sex. WordPress says you can post semi explicit stuff if you tag it as “mature”. That is supposed to limit the audience it can reach. Some sites have simply said no nudity.
I love when folks publish photos with effects.
With veils.
Shadows
Apr
12
On the comments to this video, someone said music has a way of finding you when you need it.
I was listening to music and heard this. It made me think about all the folks that have struggled and are struggling with letting go.
I got back from an extended trip and upon my return, my inbox was full of posts and comments. The problem was, most were negative. So much time and energy and emotions expended on negativity.
I know. I know. This adultery and marriage and separation and divorce and relationship stuff is hard.
I know. I know. Each person’s circumstances are different.
I know. I know. People deal with their circumstances in different ways.
But. I also know that continued negativity. Continued oh woe is me. Continued blame. Continued failure to accept responsibility. All will just continue to feed on itself.
And what has that done for you? Have you moved on? Have you found happiness? (Are you even looking?)
Listen to the song. Maybe you should let it go.
Mar
09
Forgot where I found this:
The oldest standard wedding vows can be traced back to the Book of Common Prayer, by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury: “I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance.” The vows included in that book are derived from the Sarum rite of medieval England, which was originally translated in the earliest versions of the Book of Common Prayer as “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us depart.” The earlier 1549 version of the Book of Common Prayer retained the “till death us depart” (“depart” here meaning “separate:), changing over as of the 1662 version to read “till death us do part.” Eventually, the “us” and “do” were swapped, giving us the modern version: “till death do us part.” Remarkably, they’ve remained much the same ever since.
We have heard of the seven year itch.
Not the movie but the concept.
The seven-year itch can be analyzed quantitatively. Divorce rates show a trend in couples that, on average, divorce around seven years. Statistics show that there is a low risk of separation during the first months of marriage. After the “honeymoon” months, divorce rates start to increase. Most married couples experience a gradual decline in the quality of their marriage; in recent years around the fourth year of marriage. Around the seventh year, tensions rise to a point that couples either divorce or adapt to their partner.
Some quickly checked “facts”:
Today, Life expectancy for females is 81.2 years; for males, it’s 76.4 years. 17th-century English life expectancy was only about 35 years. According to the Cambridge Group statistics done on wedding registrars starting in 1538, first marriages for men averaged around 28 years, and for women averaged around 26 in the 16th century. The average age of first marriage for women in 2017 was 27.4 years. For men, it’s slightly older at 29.5 years.
So let’s do the math. In the 17th century, a couple could expect to be married for about 7-10 years till death did them part. Today, we are looking at 50! That’s right 50 years till death do us part. Now THAT is a long commitment. That’s 7 seven years itch!
Think for a moment of the physical and mental changes that go on over 50 tears. I made it through 6 seven years itch.
The problem then is simply one of math. When the vow was established, people only lived through 1 seven year itch. Now, unfortunately, love often dies before the partners.
Maybe we should change the vow until love dies we part. The challenge is to keep love alive by giving each other what is needed so there is no reason to seek it elsewhere.
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