2Passion's Blog
Confessions of a Baby Boomer

Jan
08

When I travel, I’ll listen to music on the plane.  Heard this today and it got me to thinking.  Am I way too good at goodbyes?

Now don’t get me wrong.  I did not want to say goodbye.  When you are in a relationship that lacks passion and passion is important to one partner, bad things can happen. Both partners become unhappy.  You can simply settle or you can seek passion. Seek happiness.

I did not settle.  Was I too good at goodbyes?

My first affair started innocently enough.  Two old friends getting together.  Not sure either of us knew where it would evidently take us. We had passion and we we were happy when we were together.  We broke things off.  Would she have taken things even further?  We talked about it.  Was I too good at goodbyes?

Trying again with the ex wife. Nothing changes,  Affair number 2.  Really torrid. She was ready to be together.  Both thought seriously about it.  She got tired of waiting.  Got married. Was I too good at goodbyes?

Tried again with the ex.  Again, no changes.  So i decided after saying goodbye to 2 partners, it was time to say goodbye to an unhappy, passionless marriage.  Now I will admit, this was the hardest goodbye.  I did not want it. Did not want to do it to someone I had known for over 40 years, but I did not want to be the grumpy old man, regretting loves lost and choosing to settle for unhappiness.  If I hadn’t said goodbye there would have been other affairs and other hurt partners.  And other goodbyes.  Time to end the cycle.

I don’t think I’m good at goodbyes.  Every goodbye hurt because I cared for everyone involved.

Since the divorce, I am with an incredible lady.  Passion. Happiness.  No goodbyes!

 

 

 

Jan
04

Starting the blog back led me to review my old posts.  I was amazed by how many involved sex (or lack thereof).  Well actually not amazed because I have always been a sexual person.  I was at one end of the sexual scale and the ex wife was at the other (maybe even off the scale).

I remember the old Woody Allen movie when he and his wife discussed sexual frequency:

 

I even posted on it:

https://2passion.wordpress.com/2012/11/04/sex-addict/

What is surprising is how many blogs I have recently looked at blame sexually addiction for affairs.  And I bet some of those involved are using sexual addition as an excuse for their actions as well.

It got me thinking.  Am I a sex addict?  My ex wife called me a sex maniac.  I was actually kinda proud of that but when she said I should have married a whore, I thought that was taking it a little too far!  But a lack of communication as to sexual wants and needs can lead to problems.  Especially when one’s desires are strong and they (rightly or wrongly) won’t settle.

I know that I was faithful for MANY years, even though my needs were not close to being met.  I tried to communicate that but either not well enough or to no avail.  So, add in some medical issues and life threatening events and the old life is too short thoughts kick in and with nothing to check it, bad things can happen.  So the affair started.  But did I have a sexual addiction?  I did want sex.  But I only had it with one person, who I knew and cared about.  She was married and going through some of the same issues I was. So we got together, getting what we needed.  Communication. Increased self esteem (somebody likes me and finds me attractive). And of course sex.  Great sex. Satisfying sex. And during that time together– no problems.

Of course, the problems always come later.

So?  Sex addict or not?

 

Jan
03

Now that I got your attention, I’ll try to quickly bring you up to date.  Better not to dwell on the past, rather look toward the future.

After D Day (closed captions— Discovery Day) I moved out for about 3 months.  Now so the newbies get it, my AP’s (Affair Partner) husband found a bunch of emails.  I still wonder if that was on purpose, but I digress.  I came back after the Wife asked me to– basically for appearances sake.  Small town. People talk. Hard to handle.  So the master enabler (me) moved back in.

We tried for a while but I knew it would never work and finally left again.  It took about a year to finalize the divorce and she finally signed on the last day before formal proceedings were to start.  She did not want it.  It was “my divorce”.

I shut down the blog during this time.  Evidence!!!  I was not sure she was going to consent to “my divorce” even though the terms were rather generous.  Neither of us were happy during this time and to stay together would have been a farce.  She wanted to stay together but for simply staying together’s sake.  We had been married a long time and she was comfortable with how we existed.  I was not.  People our age, married for so long just don’t get divorced.  Most just resign themselves to a passionless existence.  I’m trying to think of the right word.  Maybe it’s settle.  You simply settle in and settle for what your life is or isn’t. I was not willing to settle and hence the divorce.

During the separation and even after the divorce I was subjected to a lot of very bitter, nasty dare I say, vitriolic phone calls, texts and emails from the Wife.  I took them all for some time because in reality I did feel bad for her and bad for what I had to do.  I reminded her that if I was such an ass, why would she want me back?  She deserved to be happy and I was not doing a good job at that.  I deserved to be happy and wanted to find it.

Life is too short.  (You can quote me on that!)

I asked a  good friend if all our lady friends were mad and he said, “Yeah.  They hate you.”   I was about to say I don’t blame them and he interrupted, “No. They hate you because you proved it could be done.  We are all getting more sex than we have had for years. Thanks!”

Image result for divorce is final

So divorce was final.  Summer 2014.

Jan
01

Wow! Really?  It’s 2019???  No way.

It was August 26, 2009, that I posted my first blog. Well, more of a “here I am– now what” kinda post.  I went over some of the old posts.  I was pretty prolific at times.  Pretty pitiful at times. And even pretty good at times.

The folks that have reunited are right.  It was some raw stuff and hard to read and relive.  I can see why some delete their blogs– just too painful. Actually more painful than I remembered.

I did find a post that I thought was interesting.

About Connections:  https://2passion.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/connections/

I’ll try to bring you up to date.  Lot of changes in the last few years.

In the meantime……………………

 

All the best!

2P

 

Dec
19

Related image

 

I connected with an old friend and blogger.  Amazing how there are some people you can talk to and no matter how long it has been, you still connect. We caught up.  Lot of changes on both sides.

We talked about the “Blogging Days”.   Our friends.  Our protagonists.  It was amazing that we started blogging in 2010.  And it was amazing we all connected over common issues.  Maybe that common issue was connections or lack thereof.

I went back and looked at some of the old posts.  Wow!  A lot of emotion poured out for all to see.  Posting our innermost thoughts and feelings.  Hoping for a connection.

Funny.  None are still posting.  Stars Around My Soul, Seasweeties and Pams Planet hung in there for a while but the last post I have is almost 2 years old!   I went private for a while.  Destroying evidence in case the divorce got real ugly!  LOL!!  It didn’t but I just went back public.

Not sure who this will reach but I’d love to catch up.

There was a genuine concern for those in our group.  A genuine connection.

Image result for connections

2P

Apr
04

Wow!!

Just checked out the old email and realized how long it has been since I last posted.

And I hare that some of the old group has tried to log in and I did not know it.

Ok.  Let’s try this again.

I want updates.  Don’t make me come over there!!

2P

Dec
13

Like many of us in the blogging world, especially those that write about things our group did, we get burned out.  We get beaten up. It becomes hard to write and hear how others respond.  You question yourself. And what you are doing. And so you quit blogging. It is hard to believe it has been a year since I last posted.

But then, time passes.  You miss the interaction.  You miss the sharing.

So I decided to write again.

It has been an eventful year.  It was over a year ago that I moved out.
And this time, I didn’t go back!
Jul
04

Lot going on.  Haven’t posted in a while.  Like affairs, posting seems to burn hot but then sometimes burns out.

My friend, KC, is into horses.  She loves them.  Rides them and from what I know, is pretty good.

These are cutting horses and they compete all over.  KC had a competition in Mississippi and I had an excuse to head that way and she said to come and watch her ride.

When I got there, she had adjoining rooms.  I went in my room and the doors were open.  She was in bed naked!!

We made love and then just  lay together for a long time.  After a while, she leaned over a started kissing me.  She moved down my chest, my stomach and then took me in her mouth.

Oh My!! She was amazing.  She was totally uninhibited.  It was like we had been together for years.  And the kissing…

Why is it that you seem to be made to kiss each other??

We slept together. Rather she did. I kept waking up and staring at her naked beside me.  The next morning I got up and got us breakfast. I went to my business meeting and then found my way to the arena where she was riding.  She smiled when I came up and enjoyed explaining what was going on. I was a cutting horse virgin!!  It came time for her to ride. She did pretty good but the cows were tired and came up under her– whatever that means.

After she rode, we checked out and followed each other home.  Stopping for lunch.

I could get used to this!!

Jun
05

Oh, I’ve known for a long time that things were over.  SM certainly seems happy.  Her wedding pictures are beautiful with her smiling and him crying. LOL– won’t comment there.  I’m sure they were tears of joy. Facebook posts of the honeymoon. And projects galore.  She just changed her profile picture to one of them together at the wedding.

KC and I have been texting and emailing and calling.  Weird in a way.  I told her I had been in a long term affair and I had not been able to leave.  She had a brief fling in her first marriage.  Kiss in her second.  We talk about everything.

Yesterday she told me she had to go to graduation.  She called after it was over and talked.  I was still at work.  She then told me she was outside.  I came out to see her and she was dressed in a low cut, black, long, sleeveless dress.  She looked amazing! And I told her so.  We hugged and I noticed something was missing. Panties!! And bra!!! She laughed and flashed!!!! We hugged and kissed. And she left.

Today someone posted a picture of her in the dress on Facebook.  Little do they know!!!!  I refrained from commenting but I did like!

We plan on meeting out of town next week.

Works both ways I guess.

To be continued…….

Jun
03

Thought I’d set the tone early.

May have told you.  SM was in an affair when we started.  I found out later she was with him when we went to a conference.  Glad I didn’t try to take things to another level then and go to her room!!!

I’ve been called a lot of things on here. Ass, narcissist, dickhead, among others  … all were intended to be synonymous with the terrible– Married Man.

When SM broke things off, you could hear the roar!

You see, it is only the Married Man’s fault in these affairs.  And for a woman to escape one’s clutches and be happy, well, that is a cause for celebration.

And a Married Man has no right to be upset or grieve for love lost.  He has no feelings.

Even though at the time things started, the Other Woman was a Married Woman and in an affair of her own.

Even though she had wants and needs and desires, just like the Married Man.

Even though she kissed passionately that first time and text and emailed and called and made arrangements to meet as much as possible.

Even though she bought the Married Man a phone so they could talk.

Even though they both gave themselves freely and passionately.

So, when the Married Man couldn’t/wouldn’t leave, he has no right to feel anything.  It was all his fault from the very beginning.  He got what he deserved.

You know, probably not.  If there were not feelings and love and passion and emotions involved, it was only sex, and affairs are much more.  Affairs bring in hearts and souls.  Or they are just mechanical extensions of one night stands. When you stir all that together, it will usually lead to pain.

But not for the Married Man– It was all his fucking fault after all.

Again, probably not.  Usually one or the other, rightly, wants more.

But we don’t listen.

Unfinished business?? Maybe I’ll send this to SM.

Maybe not.