2Passion's Blog
Confessions of a Baby Boomer

Can you go back?

I keep wanting to move on to the good, sexy, passionate part of my story but I am constantly drawn to the posts of others who have and are going through the pain of affairs.

As crazy as it sounds, I also had pain even though I was the cheater.  I felt pain for my ex.  I felt pain for my partners.  And I felt pain myself that I caused others pain.  Not my intention but fact.

Yesterday I went to a funeral. An amazing lady  True pillar of the church. She is going home!

 

The funeral was held at the church the ex and I went to for many years.  We had started going somewhere else toward the end on our marriage, for a number of reasons unrelated to our situation.  So it had been a while since I had been there.  When I was looking for the family, the new pastor asked, and rather briskly, “Can I help you?”  I started to say, “No,  I was here for 30 years before you got here.”  But i didn’t.  But that put me back into the church.  Back into the congregation,  We called ourselves a warm, inviting church.  But we weren’t.  More the “frozen chosen”.

I saw some old friends I had not seen in a while.  They appeared to be clearly divided.  Those that were happy to see me happy.  And those that were pissed to see me happy.  All that was a direct response to the divorce and probably my affair. Maybe I need to redefine friends.

Image result for friends after divorce

When the kids were young, we had probably 13 couples with young children that hung around together.  Dinners.  Golf. Beach trips. Vacations.  You name it.  Well, one couple got a divorce and that was it for them.  Piranhas would have been more welcome to our next beach trip.  Both ended up relocating. Those close, christian friends were not so close after all.  And at a time when friends were needed most.

Image result for turning their back on you

I have realized that we were really not that close to anyone toward the end of our marriage.  We rarely went out.  Never had people over.  We have some good friends now that we are closer with than before.

After the divorce, the ex moved back to our home town.  Not that far away.  She did not like being labeled as the betrayed spouse and still lets me know if she runs into someone and they say anything, about anything.

So, bottom line, affairs cause all kinds of pain to a lot of people.  It breaks up friendships. It can also define true friendship.  But it is hard to go back!

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