Crying Game

I had posted before on how emotional I had become.  I’ve always worn my emotions on my sleeve when it comes to those I really care about.  SM has been very supportive as I have tried to deal with the cancer issues and surgery.  She is handling being “apart” and my pending surgery a lot better than I am.  At least she appears to be.  I think she is generally stronger than me on many levels.

So now what all the OW out there want to hear.  Well, maybe not all.  Well, maybe not any.  But here goes.  As a MM, being apart from SM is killing me.  I am sad.  I am depressed.  I am not motivated to do much of anything.  As my brother once said, “Nothing excites me.”  Sex, what little there is with the Wife, is uninspiring and unfullfilling.  I even had to quit a golf match with a hurt wrist.  No sex and no golf???  Just go ahead and take me out!!!!

I have talked to SM more about my thoughts and concerns than my Wife.  If this was just starting, you would say it was an emotional affair.  Not sure what it is from where we have been.

My problem is (or problems are) that when I get around SM I am still so emotionally and physically attached and attracted that 2 things inevitably happen.  One, I tear up and two, I get a semi!!!  Not necessarily in that order.

These 2 reactions are pretty traumatic.  First, you know, guys aren’t supposed to cry.  So that brings up all kinds of issues.  Why is this happening– because I am not where I want to be or with who I want to be.  Crying over lost opportunities.  Crying over what I have done and not done.  Crying over not being able to do what you should.

And now, the semi part may be a lost opportunity as well after the surgery.  Guys my age aren’t supposed to be thinking about sex and getting excited just by being in the same room with someone.   Well, probably won’t have to worry about that for long.  Now that will bring you to tears as well!!!

 

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